2: The Rules of Engagement

The best I can figure, the first question in this journey of awareness building is where to begin. I look to the non-fiction section of my bookshelf and shake my head. My current selection is limited to six BIPOC writers — James Baldwin, Zadie Smith, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Barack Obama, Kiese Laymon, and Claudia Rankine. Next to dozens of white authors and thinkers — my goodness.

I’ve always thought myself to seek the perspectives of people with experiences different than those that shaped me. Honestly, I’ve taken pride in the inclusivity of my reading. But the inadequacy of my library is the first of likely hundreds of uncomfortable truths I will face in this project. Also proof that my perception of self may not align with reality. Such delusion promises a thorough shattering.

Disheartened, I select — somewhat arbitrarily — Claudia Rankine’s Just Us, and turn to the first essay, “liminal spaces i.” Almost immediately, I’m hit with:

“They couldn’t know what it’s like to be me, though who I am is in part a response to who they are, and I didn’t really believe I understood them, even as they determined so much of what was possible in my life and in the lives of others.”

After collecting my breath, I recognize that this task of trying to better understand the lives of people with unique experiences will be handicapped by the forces that shaped mine. In other words, the systems of preference and privilege that have helped me to ignore or refuse how one-sided my education. Or ignorance is bliss. Of course, these systems depend on subjugation — BIPOC are not afforded the same freedom.

Mrs. Rankine continues:

“But because I have only lived as me, a person who regularly has to negotiate conscious and unconscious dismissal, erasure, disrespect, and abuse, I fell into this wondering silently.”

So, ignorance is not a flaw but a feature of my existence and the means by which to reinforce systems that silence, oppress. In order to grow and learn and connect, I must welcome what others tell me of their experiences, recognize the limitations of my understanding, and find contentment in the small revelations of perspective. Surely, easier said than done, but a good starting point, nonetheless.